Innovative: How to Create a Powerful Student Leadership Retreat

Denise Vaniadis is a master teacher, administrator and Student Council advisor (on the local, state and national levels) in Oklahoma. Her school has created a powerful student leadership retreat that is so popular they actually have to hold a lottery to decide which students get the privilege of attending. Only about 5% of their 4,000 student population can attend.

If you are interested in taking your local, state or national event to the next level, take some notes from Denise and her crew. This post is labeled under the PLI Essential of Innovative. Interestingly enough, you might not find her comments below that innovative. That is because it's not the ideas that make their event innovative. It is in how they approach the application of these points. The creativity lives in their passion, enthusiasm and attention to detail.

Here are Denise's five top reasons why her students are so emotionally tied into this annual two-day leadership training event...

1. Cascading Recruitment. We began with our Leadership Class students and recruited about 20 more kids we could identify as potential leaders. These numbers have continued to rise to the current level of 200+.

2. Curriculum Variety. While our focus is always character development, school spirit, personal development, and servant leadership, we vary the actual activities each year so that we could have kids for four years.

3. Indoctrinated Adult Staff. I am blessed to have a Principal who is a former Student Council advisor. He naturally buys in BIG TIME to what we do. Besides him, I went after the kids' favorite teachers to staff the retreat.

4. Amazing Setting. The camp ground is a fantastic environment with space for large and small group time plus recreation facilities.

5. Campfire Time. We built the evening campfire time to have a purpose and focus on tradition, school spirit, and legacy. The emphasis is passing the torch to the younger kids. They are instructed to give their "wish" to their class, their school in general, or to the underclassmen. They bring a "wish stick" to the campfire as a symbol. It's a very simple exercise, but it works powerfully year after year.

Denise would never add this sixth one, but I will tell you that her extreme professionalism, meticulus planning and over-the-top belief in the goodness of her students and in the power of high-level leadership training is a huge reason this event is a hit every year!

Wise Judgment: Have Mercy

We just presented at a leadership conference for 500 students in southern Oregon. We had eight of our best presenters working with these students for two full days on leadership and life skills. A good part of the students were respectful, attentive and ready to learn how to get better at life. However, there were certainly a large number of "squeaky wheels" that took our presentation energy and who spent their entire time at the conference being disruptive, disrespectful and, at certain times, just downright mean.

However, I have mercy for those kids. A teenager simply acts in response to their long-term environment. You can take a good kid, put them in a negative environment and, with enough time, they will make poor choices. And the reverse is true, as well. It saddens me as a trainer, speaker, coach and parent to see a young man disrespect a young woman in front of his peers because he simply doesn't know any better. Or to see a kid playing with his cell phone right through a life lesson that could have changed his entire life.

My wish is that every student leadership conference had mandatory attendance from the parents/guardians, as well. I firmly believe we are making a difference in the lives of young people with our Personal Leadership Insight conferences. I believe even more that for some of them, their parents/guardians need it much more.

With all that said, thanks to Asia and Cynthia and Tyler and all your positive peers for leaning into the conference and taking a ton away from the experience. We wish you the best.

Skill Assessment: The Little Things Make a Huge Difference

A few of my college buddies and I took a golf weekend trip to Scottsdale, AZ. We golfed 72 holes in 48 hours. We had a great time. Scottsdale is widely known as a golfing mecca. The courses were all beautiful and well worth the green fees.

However, the hospitality varied from some of the best I've seen at a golf course to leaving us wondering what grapefruit did the service training. One great example was on the last course of our trip and it demonstrates what can happen when an organization drops the ball in assessing and sharpening its customer-touch team's key skills.

The beverage cart came around and the lady asked us if we needed anything. We replied we would like her to take our picture. She quickly and shortly shot back, "OK. Are you going to get anything else?" It is difficult to transmit voice via text, but she did not act happy about this and did not have a smile on her face.

She took the picture and went on her way and received zero tips. All she had to do was to say something to the effect of, "I would love to!" Maybe put a smile on her face. Maybe even had some fun with it. Not only would she have received a tip for her services, we would have been more inclined to order something from her (resulting in more tips.)

It is amazing how the little things make a huge difference - especially when it comes to interpersonal relations. One little smile, a hop in her step and her results would have been totally different. This little tale is yet another testament to the fact that companies, organizations and associations need to make absolutely certain someone is watching to make certain the little things are working right.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. Why is it that the little things can have a big impact?

2. When was a time you experienced a situation where a small change could have had a big impact?

3. In your life, what are the little changes that could be made to improve your quality of life?

Goal Processing: Sacrifice

As you reach for your personal and professional goals, a powerful question to ask yourself is this, "For what are you willing to sacrifice average?"

What do you want so bad that you will be willing to give up the anonymity, the comfort and the security of average? Within the answer to this question lies the energy and fervor (or lack thereof) of your journey towards your goal and, hopefully, greatness.








Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:


1. Why do people often settle for average?


2. For what are you willing to sacrifice average?

3. Now you will need to live beyond average, what does that look like for you?

Fostering Relationships: The Chicken Little

Chicken Little was confused and mistaken. He thought the cartoon acorn that hit him on his cartoon head was the cartoon sky. He thought the sky was falling.

There are chicken littles in the real world, too. They are also confused and mistaken. But they are most aptly defined by their contagious negative attitude. Chicken littles in the real world brighten a room whenever they leave the room.

You probably have one or more chicken littles in your life today, either at home or work or both. These are the people that always have something going wrong, they will always tell you why something can't or won't happen and they seemingly love to point out your faults. For a chicken little, every "sky" is falling somewhere.

What is the best way to deal with these little chickens? Can they have their mind changed? Why, out of all the emotions in the human spirit, have they chosen to allow a negative attitude define them?

Here are three "understandings" that should help you to deal with and make life bearable (and maybe even better) for you and for your chicken littles...

1. Understand they weren't born negative - they became conditioned over time. They learned this mode of operation slowly over the years. If you view your little chickens' negative attitude as a pervasive condition of their life, many times this makes it easier to deal with them because you know they don't have a beef with you, they have a beef with everyone and everything.


2. Understand they can't be "chicken big" overnight - it will take time. Chicken littles have perfected the art of negativity. Depending on their age, they may have been little for a long time. Don't expect overnight results or changes, but do expect them to respond (even in small, subtle ways) to your positive influence.


3. Understand you can't change a chicken little - only they can. Chicken littles are the way they are for a reason. More than likely they enjoy (even if in a very twisted way) the results they get from being negative. It is a safe place to play - never getting your hopes up and always having low expectations. It is also an easy place to play because chicken littles are all about problems and not solutions. The problems are easily recognizable and take zero work. Solutions are many times difficult to see and obviously require action to come to life. A chicken little will only change if they are presented with enough evidence that it is worth the change. Your positive behavior and language can be this evidence.

Just remember, little people talk about problems... big people talk about solutions. Be big.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. Why do you think people have a negative attitude?

2. What are the benefits of having a positive attitude?

3. What are the steps you can take today to have a positive attitude at work? At home? In relationships with others?

Masterful Communcation: 5 Quick Speaking Tips

• Index your information with keywords


• Prepare, but don't overprepare


• Make direct eye contact with the audience


• Be authentic


• Have a conversational speaking style

Click on the following link to watch an interview I did on September 10, 2007 for Oklahoma City's News Channel 5 about these speaking tips...

www.koco.com/video/14136094/index.html?taf=okl

Integrity: The End Result of Authenticity

Read these words in the context of how others respond to you being yourself as a leader...

Authenticity leads to transparency.

Transparency leads to
honesty.

Honesty leads to confidence.

Confidence leads to trust.

After all, trust is what it is all about.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. What does being authentic mean to you?

2. How can you be more authentic?

Fostering Relationships: The Coach's Five Conversations

If you are called to lead or manage employees, add power to your employee evaluation process by including one or all of the following five questions in your meetings. What you will find is you will be more aptly called a coach and your evaluations will transform into conversations. Ask them the questions and then just listen. The words in parenthesis are what you are ultimately listening for...

1. What is challenging you the most? (Let them identify areas of improvement.)

2. What have been your best moments since we last spoke? (Let them celebrate success.)

3. If you could change one thing around here, what would it be? (Let them offer you advice.)

4. What do you need to do your job better? (Let them help you see process/system breakdowns from their point of view.)

5. Tell me some great things you've seen in other individuals. (Let them build up peers and self-identify areas where they can be great.)


Why is this approach powerful? Because most evaluation sessions are one-sided with the manager doing all the talking. The conversation approach interrupts this pattern and turns the evaluation meeting into a discussion of performance and puts the focus on the relationship, instead of just the result.

Integrity: The Clark Kent Effect

The corporate and education worlds are full of people who want to be Superman. They want to possess super leadership powers that will allow them to communicate at the speed of light, inspire others to leap buildings in a single bound and see straight through the walls people/competitors/potential buyers put up.

The challenge here is the Clark Kent Effect. If you want to be Superman, you have to be Clark Kent, also. You have to be okay with not being in power. You have to understand that Superman was a hero not because of his powers, but because of what he did with his powers. This strength of character, inspiring integrity and service-mindedness lived within Clark Kent. It just so happened he had the powers to help others in extraordinary ways as Superman.

If you want to be Superman (or Superwoman), be Clark Kent first. Be yourself. Be humble. Be a klutz. Be a person of integrity.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. What is the meaning behind the phrase “Superman was a hero not because of his powers but because of what he did with his powers” and how does it apply to our everyday lives?

2. What strategies can you put to use today so that you too will be able to be a superman?

Emotional Maturity: The Danger of Pushing Back

Two people are standing, facing each other, hands raised to shoulder-height and palms open. They touch palms and lean towards each other. As the leaning begins, a balance is achieved to prevent either person from falling. Then something happens that disrupts the balance - someone starts pushing. This action not only breaks the balance, but it causes the other person to push back out of self-defense. Of course, this response is met with more pushing. And the cycle continues until someone is tired of either pushing back or being pushed.

This demonstration happens everyday in relationships. Things are going great. There are palms touched (making a connection with others.) There is a balance (mutual trust.) Then the pushing begins (aggression, broken trust, tempers, etc.) This action causes the other person to push back and things get out of hand.

So, how can you avoid this situation? Two ways...

1. When you achieve a balance with others, maintain it. Be truthful. Be respectful. Think before you talk. Thoughtfully consider their point of view. Understand that there is a "leaning" going on - that you are connected to others and that your behavior affects their life. Live outside yourself.

2. When someone starts pushing you or when you find yourself starting to push, step away. Don't make others push back and don't waste your energy pushing back. The secret learning in the analogy above is that as soon as one of the parties stops pushing, the pusher stops as well because there is nothing left to push on. This attention and tension break stops the vicious cycle and balance has a better chance to succeed again.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. Why do you think the pushing starts?

2. When was a time that “pushing” ruined a close relationship in your life?

Masterful Communication: The Seven Speaking Skills

The following seven skills are at the core of what we teach to our professional, pageant and student presentation coaching clients...

1. Authenticity is your number one goal. The best communicators know who they are, have a real-life bond with their content and strive to make a genuine connection with their audience. The biggest challenge on the road to speaking success is getting out of your own way and letting the best of the real you shine through.

2. Nervousness and excitement are chemically exactly the same. To the human body, there is no difference between being very nervous and very excited. Don't worry about getting rid of your nerves. Begin down the path of controlling your nerves by simply thinking about them differently. Accept that it is ok to be nervous and leverage your nerves to keep you on your toes.

3. Engage your audience quickly to control their attention. Almost as important as controlling your nerves is controlling the audience's focus. Get them involved in your presentation right from the start. Ask a question. Have them share with a partner. Get them physically moving. Make them laugh. Etc.

4. Send your message through the CVS test. In today's noisy world, the most effective messages cut to the core quickly. Make sure your messages are Concrete (don't make me search too hard for the meaning), Visual (help me see it) and Simple (I'm busy - your message shouldn't be.) The quickest way to achieve CVS is through good story-telling.

5. Master the art of indexing and filtering. Great presenters are great at preparing their content. They index information based on a set range of categories, topics, types of content, etc. they deem necessary for their presentations. We refer to these as buckets. Then they fill these buckets as full as they can. The important step comes during preparation - filtering down the information based on authenticity and the CVS test.

6. Your body language sends thousands of messages while your words only send a few. The most important body language is eye contact. You should make it with specific people and make it often. Think of any presentation as a string of smaller conversations with a number of different people. Beyond that, think moderation and variety when it comes to hand movements, walking, pace, volume, and facial expressions.

7. You can (and should) develop your ability to communicate. Communicating effectively is one-part technical, one-part mental and one-part habitual. No matter your experience level, all three of these can be sharpened and improved. More importantly, because our relationships, influence level and, in many cases, earning ability are dramatically impacted by our speaking skills, you should work to implement these skills this week. If you need more help, contact us. We would love to work with you.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. What makes up the best you?

2. Why is it important to get your audience engaged early?

3. Who was the best speaker you have ever seen? What was their message? Why was it memorable?

4. What are some strategies for indexing your content?

5. Why is it important to make eye contact with individuals?

Skill Assessment: The Dirty Little Secret of Big Performers

Think of three wildly successful individuals in three significantly different fields...

A B C

Think very specifically about why your brain connects the concept of "successful" with each person...

? ? ?

Think about the nature of these characteristics. Do you perceive them to be in the skills, talents, or attitudes category....

Skills Talents Attitudes

Chances are your big performer A, B and C had very different reasons why they are successful and chances are almost as good those "success attributes" fall under different categories. The lesson here is that successful people seem to be very unique in terms of how and why they are high achievers...

The dirty little secret of big performers is they do have two very important "somethings" in common.

1...

Regardless of industry, position, personality, market conditions, expertise, training, talent, skill or attitude, big performers are willing to do the small, non-sexy, gritty, "down in the trenches" tasks the average or under performers either don't want to do or don't think they should have to do. Big performers are in a never-ending battle with entitlement.

2...

Big performers don't see themselves as "big performers." They see themselves as growing performers. They are constantly getting better, learning, stretching, risking, pursuing and running. Big performers are in a never-ending battle with complacency.

Integrity: Output vs. Outcome

Expert Leaders understand a project's success needs to based on both the overall outcome, as well as each team member's output.

The concept of hard-work is not directly labeled in the Personal Leadership Insight "Ten Essentials of Leadership" structure (Vision, Integrity, Innovative, Wise Judgment, etc.) However, internally we have always housed this very important leadership concept under the Integrity Essential. We've believe a person of integrity not only does what he/she says they will do, but they give 100% to everything they do.

When judging the success/failure of a project, the final outcome many times has too many moving parts that are out of our control. Thus, this metric can sometimes be a poor test of true success/failure.

However, each team member's output during the project is controllable. Call it what you want, energy, enthusiasm, passion, drive, or ambition, high-level output is what makes great teams outperform the competition. Here are a few of the dynamics that create high-level output...

1. Everyone on the team is engaging a core strength.

2. The team leader is trusted.

3. The mission of the team was created by the team and/or each team member went through an "ownership" process.

4. Everyone on the team is clear about why their individual output matters to the team's success.

5. There is an established protocol for how decisions are made.

If your team is not functioning at the level you know they can, cross-reference this list with the dynamics of your team and look for disparities.

Finally, output discussions are only relevant after a team has determined how and how often it is measured. Once clarity of expectations is obtained, high-level output becomes easier and easier to create and sustain.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. Why is it important to have some way to judge the success or failure of a project?

2. What are some ways to increase your team’s performance in those five dynamics?

3. What is an example of a time when a team had a failing outcome but would of succeeded by output standards?

Goal Processing: Measure it for Meaning

This is the second of a series of posts in direct response to questions student leaders have asked us over the past few weeks. Thank you to those student leaders who took the time to voice your questions.

Q: How do I know that I am doing the job I am supposed to be doing as an elected student leader?

A. I picked this question to blog on today because I just finished a book that every manager/CEO/team leader/coach should read and implement. It is the Three Signs of a Miserable Job by Patrick Lencioni. Without giving away the plot, this student leader's question speaks directly to one of the three signs - not knowing how to measure your performance.

If I could sit down with every student organization advisor on the chapter, state and national level today and give them one metric to work on that would dramatically improve the impact of their organization, it would be to help their leaders (both adult and student) to know what success looks like in their job and help them measure it on a regular basis.

To the student leader wanting to know if they are doing a good job or not, your first step is to ask your direct report - the person who is directly responsible for helping you do a good job. Ask them point blank if you are doing a good job and ask for specifics. Formulate a list between the two of you of the measurable tasks/outcomes that would signify a job well done. This list might include the number of letters/e-mails/Facebook messages you write to members, the number of assignments you completed on time or early, the amount of hours you invested in a certain time period working on organization related items, etc.

After your initial conversation and brainstorm with your advisor, you will not only have a clearer understanding of how you are doing today, but you will have a list of benchmarks for the future.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. Why is it important to have some benchmarks for your position?

2. What outcomes/tasks signify a job well done for you?

Skill Assessment: Buckingham's Myths

Marcus Buckingham released a DVD set recently titled "Trombone Player Wanted." It is about strengths, which is what Buckingham is all about. He highlights three myths that need to be replaced with three truths. As you read these, think about how you have developed in your life and what the traditional thinking is about growth through strengths/weakness analysis...

Myth #1 - As you grow, you change.

Truth #1 - As you grow, you become more and more of who you are.

Our basic make-up will be the same at 4 years old, 34 years old and 84 years old.

Myth #2 - You will grow in your weakest areas.

Truth #2 - You will take fantastic leaps of growth in your strongest areas.

77% of parents say they would spend more time with their child helping them in a class where they have an F than in a class where they have an A.

Myth #3 - What the team needs is for everyone to put the team first and the individual second.

Truth #3 - The best teams are full of individuals who bring their strengths to the team and those strengths compliment each other.

There is an "I" in win.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. What are some strategies to help you bring out the real you?

2. Why is it more productive to spend your time in your strongest area?

3. What are your core strengths and how can you maximize those in a team situation?

Emotional Maturity: The Real Story of Miss South Carolina Teen

Chances are good you are one of the thousands of people who were watching the Miss USA Teen competition a few nights ago or one of the 4 million plus who have watched the YouTube clip of Miss South Carolina Teen's seemingly disasterous on-stage answer or at least have heard of her now infamous :30 seconds of fame. The real story is not her train-wreck answer to the question about 1/5 of Americans not being able to find the United States on a map. It is not about how many millions of people have checked out the video clip. It is not even that more than 1/5 of Americans now know who came in third at the competition (Miss South Carolina Teen), but probably less than 1/5 of the people in the room with you right now knows who came in first.

The real story here is she had the guts and the emotional maturity to go on the Today Show two days later to discuss what happened, to describe blow-by-blow how she managed to talk on stage for :30 seconds and not give one complete sentence, and to laugh at herself a little.

Even as a full-time communicator and pageant contestant coach, I will admit we've shared a few crinches and chuckles at the office over this deal. But yesterday I was talking with one of my sales-coaching clients and he told me about a high performing rep in his office who absolutely refuses to stand in front of her 12 office peers and give a 10-minute presentation!

The real story here is not about Miss South Carolina Teen's :30 seconds of failure. It is about how she took a risk, fell flat on her face, got back up, learned something and moved on. When was the last time you risked boldly in front of your peers, allowed yourself to be challenged, failed and then had the emotional maturity to admit it and talk about it - especially in the transparent and unforgiving realm of public speaking?

Fostering Relationships: Making Meetings More Effective

This is the first of a series of posts in direct response to questions student leaders have asked us over the past few weeks.  Thank you to those student leaders who took the time to voice your questions.

Q:  How do I make my meetings more effective?  It is especially difficult for me to keep my peers from not listening, being disruptive, rude, etc.

A.  Managing attention during a meeting can be difficult, but is not impossible.  Try these strategies...

1.  Focus on the cause, not the conditions.  A condition-focus would be, "Julie is constantly chatting during the meeting."  A cause-focus would be, "Julie does not see value in the meeting and/or hasn't been 'enrolled' in the meeting."  A condition-focus will lead you to a brick wall every time and is simply your interpretation of the current situation.  A cause-focus demands you to seek out more information.  You have to ask questions and look for the why, not just the what.

2.  Enroll your attendees in the meeting.  People will naturally give their attention to something that is interesting, unique, unexpected, mentally/physically/emotionally engaging and/or valuable to them personally.  Leverage this by doing something at the very first of the meeting to "enroll" them in the meeting agenda.  Give everyone a question to personally answer and share with the group.  Do a quick team-building exercise.  Your primary goal here is to break their attention from whatever was happening before the meeting and get them focused on now.

3.  Remove distractions.  Throw cell phones in the middle of the table.  Close windows.  Remove energy gaps (extra space between people.)  Set in a circle.  Get away from tables (if possible.)

4.  Set (and adhere to) a set agenda.  People are more willing to give their attention to something if they know how long that attention will have to last.  Set out a game plan, set a time-limit and stick to both.  If something comes up off the game plan and/or will take you over time, have someone write it down and save it for a later meeting.

5.  Have a recognized discussion/agenda leader.  This is probably you.  However, assign the task to someone else today.  Chat with them beforehand about the agenda goals, time limits and have them guide the ship.

6.  Make certain you need the meeting.  Many meetings go awry simply because they are unnecessary.  It is easy to get distracted from something you don't see any value in.  Here is a short list of meetings you should have:

(From Seth Godin's Blog...)

DIFFERENT TYPES OF MEETINGS. It's a huge mistake to just show up in a conference room and have a meeting. If the expectation is 'yet another meeting', then the odds are, you'll have yet another meeting.  Here are a few very distinct types of meetings:

 

• Just so everyone knows: This is a meeting in which one person or small group tells other people what's already been decided and is about to happen. These meetings should always have a written piece to go with them, and in many cases, it should be distributed a day before the meeting. The meeting should be very short, take place in an auditorium type setting, not a circle, and have focused Q&A at the end. Even a quiz. It's the football huddle, and the running back isn't supposed to challenge the very premises the quarterback is using to call the play.
• What are you up to: This is a meeting in which every participant needs to present the state of their situation. It probably happens on a regular basis and each person should have a strict time limit. Like two minutes (with an egg timer). After presenting the situation, each attendee can send their summary in an email to one person, who can sum it up and send it out to everyone.
• What does everyone think? In third place, a meeting where anyone can speak up. People who don't speak up on a regular basis should not be invited back. It's obvious they are good at some other function in the office, so you're wasting their time if they sit there.
• We need a decision right now. These are ad hoc meetings that have a specific agenda and should end with a decision. A final decision that doesn't get reviewed.
• Hanging out meetings. These are meetings with no real agenda, lots of side conversations, bored people, people instant messaging and just sort of hanging out. Sometimes these are fun, but I wouldn't know, because I haven't been to one in three years.
• To hear myself talk meetings. You get the idea.

7.  Privately Ask, Engage, Remove.  If you do all of these things and you still have a disruptive team member, privately ask them if they are aware of how their negative behavior is hurting the meeting.  Ask them to help the team out by adjusting their behavior.  If that doesn't work, engage them in some way during the meeting.  Have them lead a discussion.  Ask them to offer an opinion.  If those strategies don't work, take a break and ask them to leave.

Vision: The Two Time Zones

Expert leaders constantly live in two time zones.

TZ Now. What is happening in front of me right now and how can I create the most value for this situation?

TZ Later. Where will I most be needed in a month from now and what is one thing I can do today to move closer to creating value for that situation?

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. Why is it important for leaders to live in both the TZ Now and TZ Later?

Emotional Maturity: Drama Trauma

If you are like most people, you know someone who always has to have drama in their life. It is almost like their world isn't complete unless someone is after them, someone doesn't like them, or something is wrong. They constantly live with a bad case of drama trauma and it is contagious.

Expert leaders understand that drama trauma negatively impacts their ability to create value and growth and they work hard to maturely deal with their emotions.

What creates drama trauma?

Drama Trauma can overtake any person who is self-focused. This "ME-ism" creates an emotional vacuum where the person becomes overly sensitive to everything. Their self-focus makes them over-analyze every word said and every move made by others, while assuming all of those words and actions have something to do with them.

Poor decision-making creates just as much drama trauma as Me-ism. Once someone breaks trust with others, it is very difficult for them to trust anyone (including themselves - adding to the drama.)

How do you get rid of drama trauma?

Volunteer. Do random acts of kindness. Take up a hobby that is team-related. Get involved in a meaningful and healthy relationship. Do anything you can to spend a good majority of your time thinking of something other than yourself and your problems.

Learn how to make better choices by watching and learning others who have learned to do so. Say I'm sorry and recover trust when you do make a bad decision. No one is perfect, but plenty of people are too selfish to say I'm sorry.

Expert leaders know how to gingerly diffuse the impact of drama trauma.

How do you effectively deal with other's drama trauma?

This is determined by your relationship with the person. If you are a person of formal influence over them (coach, manager, parent, sibling, etc.), you need to engage in the difficult conversation of helping them recognize how their drama is hurting the people and situations around them. Make it about their behavior though and not about them personally. Also, before you have that conversation, make certain you have some identified ways in which you are prepared to help them deal with and overcome their trauma. However, wait for them to ask for help. Timing is everything in difficult conversations.

If you are not in a formal influence position (horizontal peer, acquaintance, etc.), your task is to simply not be influenced by their drama trauma. Don't play their games and try not to feed their drama by engaging in gossip, assumptive discussions, etc. Also, don't be afraid to help them see the "real situation" (if you are in the know.) People with drama trauma are constantly creating situations, arguments and disagreements out of thin air.

Processing Questions for PLI Curriculum Teachers/Trainers:

1. When was a time that you noticed an example of Drama Trauma?

2. Who is someone that is very good at eliminating drama trauma?

Vision: How Rhythm Produces Authentic Vision

 

(1) Turn on your radio or iPod. Find some good music. Now listen as you read.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the most popular American Poet in the 19th century, wrote, “Music is the universal language of mankind.”

Music performs a number of remarkable feats on the human body. It boosts the immune system, regulates stress-related hormones, stimulates digestion and affects respiration. Rhythm is at the heart of music. However, the power of rhythm is not only found in song. 

 

Your vision of the future creates your life’s rhythm.

 

Your vision defines your connection between you and the people, places, and things around you. Do they have purpose? Are they taking you closer or further away from your vision?

(2) Back to the song. Listen intently to it. Is it familiar or new? If it is familiar, where does it take you in your life? What memories are being recalled? Does the song make you want to dance, reflect, go to sleep or just listen?

(3) Now, change the channel. With a new song comes a totally different set of experiences. You are now in a different place with a different song and a new mood.

(4) Again, change the channel.  Only this time, keep looking until you find one you really like. This song, above all the others before, is exactly what you need right now. Your feet are tapping and it makes you feel good. The song has changed your entire energy level. You have found your rhythm. The song has connected with you. It is this type of energizing connection an authentic vision should be creating in your life today. If its not, change the channel. Develop a vision that energizes you, makes you hopeful and creates a positive, purpose-filled rhythm in your life.

 

“Rhythm is a movement marked by the regular recurrence or natural flow of related elements.”

 

This definition of rhythm highlights the primary dynamic of an authentic vision. The key word is movement.  It denotes a lack of sameness, an absence of apathy and a physical action producing a change. An authentic vision creates the magic of inertia in your life. It drives you to purposeful action. And you have to act upon your vision for it to have any relevance or impact on your life.  Effort is the bridge between potential and achievement.

 

An authentic vision leads to authentic action.

 

With authentic vision, your life becomes unique and your purpose is easily recognizable by you and others - just like a great song where the rhythm is a reflection of what the artist, songwriter and listener are all about.  Work hard to find your authentic vision and it will continually move you and your actions to reach a genuine rhythm of meaning and greatness.

General: Remarkable Leadership Book!

Kevin Eikenberry has crafted an extraordinary new leadership development book, Remarkable Leadership.  When you purchase it today on Amazon.com you will receive over 50 additional bonus leadership development items from Kevin and partnering vendors.

Kevin sent me an advance copy of Remarkable Leadership last week and it is chock-full of tangible and relevant leadership tools and strategies. 

"Kevin accurately reminds us that whatever our job title or position, we are all leaders—and all have the potential to become truly remarkable. His belief in us and our ultimate success is real and can be read on every page. This belief is inspiring and empowering—as you read these pages his belief in you will build your own belief, an important ingredient in any successful learning journey."

 

- From the Foreword by Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles

I interviewed Kevin last week to provide you some insight on his leadership philosophies before you invest in the book today...

1. Was Remarkable Leadership written more to reinforce and deepen people's current beliefs about leadership or to persuade them to adopt a different and new viewpoint of leadership?

The only belief I wanted to reinforce is I want people to see it is possible to be who they are and be a remarkable leader! If that requires some persuasion for some readers, I hope I succeed.

2. If you could, please describe the basic difference between Jill and Tara and what caused their different paths?

Jill and Tara are two characters I introduce in the second chapter when I was talking about how leadership development really happens in most organizations. Actually I don’t think there is much difference between them – as I wrote about them in the story both are smart, talented and ambitious. The differences in their development had more to do with the organizations they were in and how each treated leadership development. My hope is that with this book, anyone can be more successful in their own leadership development, perhaps even in spite of what their organization offers.

3. Do you feel this is just as much a personal development book as it is a leadership development book?

I really do Rhett. I personally have some trouble separating personal development from professional development – not because I’m a work-a-holic or place all of my focus on my professional pursuits but because any development in any area of our life has the chance to improve our results, satisfaction and enjoyment in other parts of our life as well.

4. If you could sum up in two to three sentences the core difference between a normal leader and a remarkable leader, what would it be?

First, a remarkable leader as someone who is continually working to become a more effective - continually learning and improving. Second, they recognize that remarkable leadership is not about the technical skills of forecasting, budgeting and technical knowledge of the work, but really about how they engender trust, build relationships, develop others, communicate more effectively—all of those other skills that we really think of when we think of great leaders that we've worked with in the past. That’s a remarkable leader.

5. What are some tips and strategies for being able to recognize the differences between the four communication styles you mention on page 66?  i.e. - what are the simple signs to recognize each one?

There are many different communication and personality style models and I’m sure most everyone reading this is familiar one or has a favorite. What I tried to do in the book is outline some basic styles. Giving signs to recognize each one would make this a very long interview! Let me sidestep just a bit and say that the key to effectively communicating with others is to mirror their communication style – so that you are meeting their needs and communicating in ways that best match their needs.

6. Why do so many people today not "get" the likeability factor you discuss on page 82?

I think many people wish it didn’t matter. I’ve heard people say something like this many times, “In a perfect world it wouldn’t matter if people liked me- I could be valued for my skills.” Guess what? It isn’t a perfect world. To be as successful as possible, as a leader or otherwise, we must be likable. Thinking anything else is denial.

Get introduced to Kevin and Remarkable Leadership and then invest in the book today.  It is worth it.

Skill Assessment: Very Weird Bathroom Routine

I have got serious issues for two specific reasons... 

1.  I have a very weird bathroom routine that provides a key insight to why my personality is tailor-made for my work.

2.  I am sharing this routine on my blog.

Basically, I always have to have something to read in there (the water closet, the head, the john, etc.), but I am never in there long enough to read it.

You might be thinking this just makes me a guy with good plumbing.  But, as a professional communicator and advice giver, I am called to look for the glacier and not just be satisfied with the iceberg.

This very weird bathroom routine illustrates that I am a constant learner (I always have a book, a magazine, the Wall Street Journal or my Blackberry notes function in front of me in situations when most people are just doing nothing) and I streamline my time as much as possible because, like you I'm sure, I always have more to do than I have time to do it. 

Both of these traits play perfectly into running my own business and in being a professional communicator.  How about you?  Is your personality a strength or a weakness in relation to the important tasks you are called to do with your projects?  If you haven't put language to your personality traits yet, go visit the bathroom and think on it for awhile. 

Integrity: Why we Aren't Always Honest

With expert level leadership skills comes expert level responsibilities and expert level pressures.  Everyone knows it is important to be honest.  Not everyone knows how to remain honest in your dealings with others while having to deal with high level pressure.  Below are a few reasons why we aren't always honest:

1.  Self-preservation. 

2.  Relationship-preservation.

3.  The truth will lead to a difficult conversation.

4.  We can't remember what the truth is (I.e. we are continuing to string lies together.)

5.  We will lose something important to us.

The real challenge here is not identifying the items on this list (which is actually much longer), the real challenge is two-fold:  1)  recognizing the reason for the dishonesty in the moment and 2)  figuring out how to stop trading our trust with others for these reasons.  Obviously the reasons we are dishonest cut to the core.  We deeply want to protect ourselves and our relationships.  We want to avoid conflict with others at all costs.  This only adds to the difficulty of mastering the honesty equation.  There are too many compelling reasons to not be truthful. 

Expert leaders fight this fight every day.  Expert Leaders are very self-aware of their core beliefs and values and they behave accordingly.  The solution to the honesty equation is complicated and varied.  However, I suggest you consider attaching a strong positive anchor to telling the truth.  Dishonesty produces a tremendous amount of unnecessary stress in our lives.  Continually remind yourself the short-term stress of honesty is tiny when compared to the overwhelming weight of lies stacked on lies.

Integrity: The Value of Leadership Conferences

John Maxwell once said that any individual who wishes to improve their leadership expertise needs to have at least three things in their life:  the right people, the right media (books, videos, music, etc.), and the right personal and professional development experiences.

I firmly believe this to be true - especially that last one.  As a full-time speaker and trainer for over 15 years, I have attended literally thousands of conferences.  The change that happens in people who experience leadership conferences is overwhelming and comes in many different forms.

At a recent conference for college level student leaders, an attendee summed it up like this, "I am normally disappointed by the choices I make in life.  This weekend I have surprised myself and those around me by the positive actions I have done, the things I have learned and the people I have met."

The coolest part of watching her say that is she did it while standing in front of all her peers.  That one act is probably one of the most courageous things she has ever done.  A defining moment.

Vision: Believing is Seeing

Entry level leaders operate from a "seeing is believing" standpoint when dealing with others. They have to have things proved to them first and always. Expert Leaders operate from a "believing is seeing" standpoint. They have a genuine faith in the goodness of others. They believe in a person's potential to perform and that belief spurs on and actually encourages the performance to happen.

When it comes to building trust with others, owning an intelligent optimism for other's future is an incredibly important concept and reaps huge rewards for you and them.

Masterful Communication: Our Way is the Better Way

We hear all the time there are two sides to every conflict - your way and their way.

Expert Leaders understand the power of seeing all three sides to every opportunity to create solutions:  your way, their way and Our way.  When we think, speak and act with Our way in mind, it drastically improves our ability to reach better solutions and reach them in a better way.   Our way also places more importance on the relationship than on the results.  Expert Leaders see leadership as a team sport and relationships are always their most important trump card.

Start with Our way today in your conversations.  Here's how...


1.  Actively listen first.  (Learn more here)

2.  Seek to understand their position first in concrete terms.  Gain a solid understanding of where they are coming from and why.  You know your way intimately.  However, if Our way is going to come to fruition, you need to deeply understand their way.

3.  When you give your opinion and viewpoint, make certain you give it in terms of you, not other people.  Own your way.

4.  Truncate the time you focus on the problem and expand the time you work on solutions.  Problems are the past.  Solutions are the future.  My way and your way are about the past.  Our way is about the future.

5.  Give more credit to the other person for Our way than they deserve.  This type of resolution system is just as much about fostering the relationship as it is about developing a creative solution.

Masterful Communication: A Better Brainstorm

You may be called from time to time to either lead and/or be involved in a group decision making process. These meetings can be effective or ineffective based on the process used. I was called to lead a group of 200 educators and staff members through the process of creating a new vision statement for the school district. We followed this technique and, had we at least 30 more minutes, we could have finished with a final product.

FYI: I didn't tell the group this before we started so as to not hinder creativity, but the best vision statements are short, simple, concrete and visual. They don't include everything we want to do in the future. They only include the most critical element(s) of a new future.

1. Break the big group of 200 into mixed (different roles, responsibilities, etc.) smaller groups of 8-10.

2. Have each group pick one of these four discussion areas: What is our greatest strength? What is our greatest challenges? What words should be included in the statement? Where could the vision statement be used? (Your questions may be different based on the type and nature of your final product.)

3. Give each group an easel pad sheet, a marker and 40-50 stickers. The poster paper and marker are used to capture ideas. Each group picks a discussion leader/scribe. This person numbers the ideas, labels the sheet (which discussion area), and signs their name on the bottom. The scribe should write very legibly.

4. Each group has exactly five minutes to discuss ideas. Do not judge ideas. This first round is about quantity. KEY POINT: the discussion leader/scribe cannot make judgements or throw out ideas - they only write. This is because they could have too much influence and power over the group discussion. They can encourage, ask for clarity and ask questions to get ideas flowing (not judgmental questions though.)

5. After five minutes each group gets a different group's discussion sheet. The new sheet has to be on one of the other three discussion areas. Their task is to add a few new ideas to the list, but mainly to go back through the previous ideas and make them more C.V.S. - Concrete, Visual and Simple. Round two is about quality.

6. After the five minutes is up, each group hangs up their poster of ideas. Each person then grabs three to five stickers and everyone walks around the room and puts a sticker next to an idea that THEY THINK SHOULD BE IN THE VISION STATEMENT. This is a critical step. Only vote on ideas that you think should make the cut.

7. After this step, we ran out of time. However, the next step would have been to take the most popular ideas, have each team get a new easel pad sheet and write down just those (preferably less than 10) and discuss pros and cons. The main output goal here is for each team to whittle the ideas down to their version of a great vision statement.

8. At this point, each team gets one last poster paper and writes their final first draft of their vision statement. These are hung up. Everyone gets ONE STICKER and votes on their favorite one.

9. You can do two things here. Take the winning vote as is or take the best parts of the top two or three and collectively make a final one. This really all depends on how the final ideas are structured.

10. This is a very thorough and quick process for taking a number of ideas, filtering them down and creating a collaborative piece.

[Click on the labels below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Integrity: The Three Leader Transformations

There are three transformations individuals must go through before they become highly effective leaders...

Entry Leader to Emerging Leader
This occurs when an individual decides to use their influence for positive.  

Learning lessons:

1) Everyone is an Entry Leader because everyone has influence.
2) We teach that positive behavior is a prerequisite for effective leadership.

Emerging Leader to Engaged Leader
This occurs when a positive individual gains followers.

Learning lessons:

1) Being positive is important.  Being others-focused and specific with your "others" is also important.
2) "Nice guys finish last" is a popular theory when it comes to movement up the leadership ladder.  However, in the long run, the positive individual gains more respect, more responsibility and more satisfaction.  This positivity infiltrates their language, their emotions, their thinking, their focus, their managing and their leading.

Engaged Leader to Expert Leader
This occurs when a positive individual creates significant value for their followers.

Learning lessons:

1) Effective leaders are primarily focused on and concerned with creating value.
2) To become a highly effective leader, you must have all three - positive behavior, followers that trust you and value creation.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Unmade Leader: Leaders are born, not made!

It has come time to engage this reading audience in a polarizing of opinions. Time and time again I read that leaders are made, not born. This is true only to a certain extent. Here's why...

1. Everyone was born with the capacity for leadership.

2. It is true that a number of characteristics and skill sets of leaders fit in the category of "learned" or "made."

3. However, the most important traits of individuals that demonstrate effective leadership (what we call Expert Leaders) are those they were naturally born with.

4. The PRIMARY REASON why I believe and why I teach to my thousands of audience members, every day and every month and every year, that leaders are born and not made is because I believe that every single individual, no matter position, education, disability, ability or talent came into this world with the ingredients necessary to effectively and persuasively have a positive influence on the situations and people around them (my CORE definition of leadership).

5. Because I believe number four to be true, I believe the BIG characteristics that result in Expert Leadership, those elements that literally turn a leader's ability to positively influence others on or off, are the characteristics we all possess naturally.

6. Therefore, any human being who wishes to become an Expert Leader need firstly not to seek training or learning or development to get there. They simply must recognize, tap into, harness and use the natural abilities with which they were born.

7. Then from there, they must learn the smaller, yet sometimes very important, skills, behaviors and systems that are required of them for their particular leadership role or roles.

8. Why do I believe this to be true? That Expert Leaders are born and not made? Because time and time again I have watched, coached or been led by leaders who have professionalism, they know how to coach a situation, they have critical thinking skills, they possess charisma, they can hold a conversation with strangers, or they can command the attention of an audience of 5 or 5,000. But they STILL ARE NOT FULLY realizing the potential of their Expert Leadership because they have forgotten to develop or diminished the importance of those traits with which they have had from birth.

The Natural Born Leader Traits (We call them LeaderSwitches)

Trustworthiness
Energy
Curiosity
Awe
Attraction
Decisiveness
Authenticity

9. So, I am not saying that individuals either were born with the ability to lead others or they weren't (which is what most people think of when they think of the concept of "leaders are born and not made.)

10. What I am asking you to comment back on (and to forward this post to at least 3 friends/peers/family members/etc. and ask them to comment back on) is that the reason why we teach that leaders are born and not made is because we want to reinforce in others that if you want to grow your influence and/or have a more positive influence on those around you, it is not PRIMARILY a matter of learning new skills or taking new classes. It is PRIMARILY a matter of simply acting upon and having your behavior directed by talents and knowledge and basic human instincts that have been a part of you since you were you. Those are the doors that will get you into the rooms you wish to walk around in. Once you are in the room, you can learn what you must to capitalize on that experience.

PLEASE COMMENT BACK WITH YOUR FEEDBACK, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS. We are 60% of the way through our book called "The Unmade Leader" and your feedback will prove to be very insightful and helpful during this research phase of the authorship! Thanks in advance!

[Click on the label below to see all posts for this category...]

Integrity: The Greatest Trait of All Is...

Humility.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Leading Up Close

My wife and I were sitting in church this past Sunday and she noted that the lady singing looked like a mutual friend. We were sitting close to the back (Baptist Church) and I responded that from this distance she looked like a number of people.

Think of your leadership roles in this way. From a distance, your leadership can not be distinctive. It looks like the leadership of so many others. Depending on people's perception of leadership, this can be a good thing or a bad thing. If they hold a negative viewpoint of leaders in general, they will see you in a negative light and vice-versa. Ultimately, if you keep a distance between you and those you are charged with leading, you do not control the effectiveness of your influence.

It is also tremendously difficult to let your personal leadership style reach its full potential when you keep a tall wall between you and your followers.  Being an authentic leader may not be your primary goal, but it is a must if you are to accomplish any significant leadership goal.

To be distinctive and authentic with your leadership, you need to go closer. Ask questions. Listen. It is messier at times, but leadership is messy. If you don't like the mess, get out of the bunkhouse. Approach others with a willingness and wanting to connect, learn and serve. For it is only when we shorten the distance between our leaders and their followers that true human leadership happens.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Masterful Communication: Putting the Power Back Into PowerPoint

Click over to my speaking blog to access 10 quick strategies for improving your PowerPoint presentations.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Vision: Are you a CLEAR Leader?

C - Commitment... Are you fully committed to your leadership positions? Do you believe in "Emersion Leadership" or part-time leadership?

L - Learn... What do you need to be learning to be a better leader? What did learn today and how will you apply it tomorrow? Study Remarkable Leadership to learn about how and why learning is a leader's most important task.

E - Expectations... Are you clear with your expectations of others? Are you clear on what others expect of you?

A - Act Daily with Integrity... What is the condition of your character? Are your actions in alignment with your beliefs? Study True North to learn more.

R - Revolutionize... What are you making significantly better today? You can improve something "small" today and it will have a huge impact tomorrow.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Masterful Communication: 3947202734 or Bob

You enter a room labeled The Numbers Room. You see fifty people walking around with name tags on and they look like this...

3947202734
2739475214
0481659123
3927511198
2847111873

You then leave and enter a different room labeled The Names Room. You see fifty different people walking around with name tags. Only this time the name tags look like this...

Bob
Steve
Julie
Rick
Tom

Question: In which room would you expect to remember more people's names? The answer, of course, is The Names Room. Remember this the next time you need to deliver a message that you want to stick. The people in The Numbers Room might very well be thoroughly and accurately labeled, but the chances their names would be remembered is slim to none.

To deliver a "rememorable" message, leverage the hidden secrets of the Names Room...

1. Short. Less information is more.

2. Easily Recognizable. Short names and unique faces work for humans. Give your message a short name and only show its "unique face" and you have a winner.

3. Easily Recallable. Look away and spell Bob in your mind. Now look away and "spell" 3947202734 in your mind... big difference. Use simple words and phrases to "stickify" your message.

4. Easily Transferable. How many Bobs have you ever heard of?

5. Overcomes the Knowledge Gap. You probably have never seen 3947202734 before. So, your mind has to work harder to try to remember brand new information. However, you have heard, seen and dealt with the name Bob all your life. Find a way to take pre-existing words, concepts, or labels and give new meaning to them (instead of creating words from scratch.)

Go to my speaking blog at http://speak.terapad.com/ to access even more high level presentation tips.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Service Minded: YourSpace... Not MySpace

Expert Leaders must constantly fight the MySpace generation, the MySpace lifestyle, and the MySpace mindset. MySpace is a vivid example of how the masses think they must act and speak to get ahead today - it's all about me.

Expert Leaders think differently. They are more interested, concerned and focused on YourSpace than they are on MySpace. They think of others before, during and after they speak. They think of others before, during and after they act.

Expert Leaders get their MySpace right privately, but then their public time is spent in YourSpace. At a recent basketball camp I described it like this...

"You must be me-focused in practice and we-focused in play."

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Goal Processing: Four (or Eight) Important Leadership Questions

How does leadership fit into your world?
(i.e. - Do you see yourself as a leader?)

How does leadership fit into your goals?
(i.e. - Will they make you a better leader?)

How does leadership fit into your teams?
(i.e. - Do you hang around leaders?)

How does leadership fit into your attitude?
(i.e. - Do you think/act in a leaderly way?)

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Emotional Maturity: Hope

HOPE...

It is what keeps the struggling business person from giving up.

It is what allows two people in love to look past today's challenges to tomorrow's promises.

It is what motivates the young aspiring talent to keep trying, keep selling, keep singing, keep pushing, keep going - even when everyone else is telling her to stop!

It is what keeps us sane and helps us believe in the best parts of all of us.

It starts with love and is grounded in faith.

It soars in the beautiful things in life and is tragically void in the apathetic, criminal, rude, crass, and negative arrangements in many.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

General: Survey for 07-08 State CTSO Officers

If you are serving as a State CTSO Officer for the 2007-2008 term, please click here for a short 10-question survey. This information will be used privately as research for our upcoming book, The Unmade Leader. Thank you in advance for your input and for serving as a State CTSO Officer.

Unmade Leader: Born or Made?

There have been a number of recent interviews of leadership thought leaders discussing the "are leaders born or made" question. The answers are almost always "both, but mostly made." This question is at the heart of our upcoming book The Unmade Leader. In this book, we break down our answer... leaders are born and then unmade.

Why do we say leaders are born? I believe Expert Leaders demonstrate a set of “leaderly” behaviors that are mostly learned (thus providing support to those who think leaders are made.) However, I also believe that behavior is not a solitary system. In other words, we behave in a certain way because of something else. In The Unmade Leader we call this “something else” for leaderly behavior a Switch. A Switch is a leadership characteristic that someone is born with and that makes a HUGE impact on their leadership effectiveness; that literally switches their ability to make a positive influence on or off. (The Switches we discuss in The Unmade Leader are Trustworthiness, Awe, Energy, Curiosity, Authenticity, Attraction and Decisiveness.)

So, I believe that leaders are born with the big things they need to be an Expert Leader. From there we learn the behaviors necessary to allow these Switches to come to life.

Are leaders born or made? Born with the big things. We can make the little things.

[Click on the label below to see all posts about The Unmade Leader]

Innovative: SCAMPER for more ideas

Next time you and your team need to break out of the mold and create new, fresh and deeper ideas for an existing project, follow this formula...

S - What can you substitute?

C - What can you combine?

A - What can you adapt?

M - What can you magnify, miniaturize or multiply?

P - What can you put to other uses?

E - What else? Who else? Where else?

R - Can you rearrange or reverse?


Remember, risk always comes before value. Making these changes will require guts and a core belief that you can and should create something exceptional out of something good.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Masterful Communication: Your Role Determines Your Effectiveness

My business partner, Jonathan Smith - Professional Speaker, Author, and interview coach for hundreds of successful communicators (including the last two Miss Americas), has identified three primary roles people choose when they open their mouth to speak in front of a group.

1. The Speaker - Their focus is the performance. Over time this focus demands perfection. This need for consistency and perfection too often kills authenticity and blocks their credibility.

2. The Educator - Their focus is the information. The information is king. This need for quantity of information creates attention fatigue and disconnects the emotional side of the exchange.

3. The Communicator - Their focus is the transfer. The goal is simply to take what is in the communicator's heart and transfer it to each audience member's mind. Seth Godin says that all communication is a transfer of emotion. Whatever it is you need to accomplish, don't let your need for perfection or a bad case of information overload prevent you from being effective!

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Integrity: The Secret of Marriage

The power of once.

Say I love you once a day.
Go on a date once a week.
Talk about your relationship once a month.
Take a vacation once a year.
Do all of these and you can do the most important once...

Get married once a lifetime.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Masterful Communication: Answering Questions Like a Leader

Leadership is a people business. Conversation, dialogue, discussions, disagreements, and agreements are what move the business of people. Trust is what keeps that movement going in a positive and sustainable direction. There are four general methods for how people impact trust based on how they answer questions and deal with situations. Recognizing and understanding how and why each are different is a critical leadership skill (as well as knowing which to use and which not to use based on the situation!)


1. Answer honestly - Because it is the best course of action and you trust the other person to effectively take good truth, as well as not-so-good truth.

2. Answer guardly - Because you are being sensitive to the current situation's needs. There is not misinformation given here. There is just information given in a selective manner when you know giving all the information at that particular time and place will not be in the best of interest of you or the person asking the question. Trust is at risk here, but the threat level is low.

3. Answer politically - Because you are being sensitive to the current and other directly and/ indirectly connected situations' needs. This is very similar to two, except this situation is more complex with more moving parts. Clarity statements briefly and simply explaining why certain things can't be said are critical. This is because you will have to hold more information back than normally and sometimes that is on a recognizable level. You don't want to break trust, but you also want to protect relationships.

4. Answer dishonestly - Because you are not concerned with maintaining or building trust within the current and/or connected situations. Very rarely do highly effective leaders, who are trustworthy, have to resort to number four.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Emotional Maturity: Failure Factory

Failure is a reality of life for all of us. None of us achieve what we want all the time. Expert leaders do not have less failure than entry-level leaders. Expert leaders simply have a better built Failure Factory.

This Failure Factory is not the production line; failure is a given in life and is produced just by being alive. This is a processing factory and everyone has one. Failure goes in, how we choose to respond or react to it is the processing part inside the Factory and our leadership effectiveness is strongly impacted by what comes out the other end, which is how we are fundamentally changed (for good or bad) by the failure.

Expert leaders positively influence people and situations to create value and growth. This means they are able to remain positive, still influence others positively and have the uncanny ability to bring value to the table and seek growth even when failure is fed in. How?

Expert leaders have developed the ability to...

1. Recognize and be okay with the fact that they are flawed. They are very self-aware.

2. View failure as temporary. They have their sights set on the long-term.

3. Actively seek out learning lessons by asking why did this happen, not just how did this happen. They look for meaning.

4. Laugh at themselves. They take their job seriously, but not themselves.

5. Risk, Fail, learn, adjust, risk again, fail, learn, adjust, risk again, fail, etc...

Take a good look at your Failure Factory. You can drastically improve your ability to create value and growth by improving the inner-workings of your Factory.

Goal Processing: Identifying the Cause

Expert leaders understand the importance of correctly identifying the cause of problems. We do an activity called Balloon Toss that clearly demonstrates this principle. The object of the leadership experiment is for a team of 6-8 individuals to keep 10-15 balloons in the air and in motion at the same time. The balloons are fed to the team one at a time, the balloons can't be tied together and the team members must keep one hand behind their back the entire time.

After the first round of competition is over (most teams don't figure out the best strategy during the first round), we discuss how to improve their chances of success during the second round. We begin this by discussing possible answers to the question, "What was the main reason you were not able to accomplish your goal?"

The leaders normally begin to list conditions, instead of causes. The say things like too many balloons, we could only use one hand, we didn't have a good plan, etc. These are true, but most of the conditions they list are unchangeable within the constraints of the activity (just like most of the conditions we are faced with as leaders every day.)

Once the leaders get bogged down in discussing conditions, they handicap their ability to 1) recognize a cause and 2) make any real improvement in their strategy for round two.

The primary cause for not achieving their goal of getting all balloons in the air at once was that the balloons were out of control. Once the leaders recognized this primary cause they were better able to creatively discover the best strategy for getting all balloons in the air at once!

Your job as a leader is to step back and look at where you and your team have your focus - is it on unchangeable conditions or solvable causes?

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Vision: If it is Starting Your Own Venture...

YouTube - The Art of the Start

General: Influence Signals

Following are five direct ways to signal a positive influence to others:

1. Care-isma - People naturally like to be around people who are pleasant, joyful and smiling. It is a natural response to a natural trait of influential people who are great at attracting others. Call it charisma if you want. I prefer to call it care-isma. It demonstrates you care about your attitude, you care about the influence you have on others, and you care about others.

If you want more influence, have care-isma.

2. Encouragement - Every person at some level wants, needs or enjoys praise from others. I recently encouraged a couple of my friends and they said they weren't looking for approval from others. Well, there is a difference between approval (which occurs after the performance) and encouragement (which occurs before and after the performance).

If you want more influence, encourage more.

3. Visit C.V.S. - If clarity in communication is integral to your responsibilities, get and digest Made To Stick by Dan and Chip Heath. It is relevant, timely and has changed the way we teach communication. In the book, they discuss the Knowledge Gap, which says that people get curious when they notice a gap between what they know and what they don't know. And if that gap isn't filled quickly, they either get more curious, irritated, stressed or simply check out. This dynamic happens everyday in your communication to others. You know things that others want or need to know. The more concrete, more visual and more simple you can make these communication streams, the better. Just remember C.V.S. in your communication - Concrete, Visual, Simple.

If you want more influence, visit C.V.S.

4. Take Responsibility - This is a simple fact of process - with more influence comes more responsibility and with more responsibility comes more influence. Accept more responsibility that is in alignment with your core strength and talents.

If you want more influence, accept more responsibility.

5. H.E.R. Work - As a Christian, I do His work. I strive to be a strong, Christian role model for my wife, my daughters and others. As a business owner, speaker and teacher of leadership, I strive to do H.E.R. work. Hard work. Efficient work. Remarkable work. Six words to sum up an influential person's work ethic.

If you want more influence, do H.E.R. work.

These five signals will demonstrate to others that you have chosen to use your influence (which is a given) for positive (which is a choice)

[Click on the labels below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]